Glow and other gay shit

I had previously applied to be a GLSEN ambassador and I received an email today that asked for some more info. If I'm chosen to participate I'll know starting June 1st. I hope that I get accepted. I'm nervous about it/ I bet that if  i had been more of an active GSA President i might have gotten more done this year and my vice presidents might have been with me for Day of Silence, what a disaster that turned out to be. It made me pissed off at one of my vice presidents but all is well now. Last week I had been invited to give a speech at a brunch for Harvey Milk and I bailed on it. I feel like I failed Ms. Gomez by doing that. I hated that I had to write a 4 minute speech but it's not like it was such a big deal I'm just a wiener. Well this Wednesday will be the last day that I'll be President of G.L.O.W. we're having elections this next meeting. It makes me want to cry, I'm afraid that I might not graduate but I need to keep strong and just do my fucking work and get it over with. It's only one class and I know I can do it. I told my friends about it this morning and they got mad at me, imagine if my family knew. I feel so bad because of it but I talked to July about it one night and he helped me feel better. I just want to walk...

May 23rd's Rant from this week.

People at school have begun to annoy me, I'm not sure why but they have. Yadi is on the edge, not so annoying but not entirely my favorite. Ana is past the edge, she annoys me. Rosey has begun to annoy me with her tweets that have terrible grammer. I hate the B.O. from the guy sitting next to me as I type this. I think I just to need to get enough sleep and quit communicating with people that annoy me. I'm glad no one I know reads this, they could possibly get hurt by what I'm typing about them. They liked the fucking status, if you don't want them to like it then make it private!

I think I'm way too angry some days and just need this as a way to vent it. I really want to just scream. I want to scream at a teacher, at students, and I want to scream just for the hell of it.
I would like to stand up during one of my stupid classes and just scream but, the fucking fear that I might not graduate keeps me controlled and from doing anything. I bet that I'm just as much as a robot as all my other peers in my grade, that's why we don't tell that teacher off. We are all subdued. It starts in kindergarden when all we want is to run around and after 13 years of it, we are controlled. Is it planned? Probably. Can we do anything about it? Yes. Will anything be done? Who knows. 

Angry at that teacher

I hate doing the stupid pointless work in my Government class. That fucking fat teacher just sits there the entire time as we sit there quietly doing our work like the good little robots we have been programed to be. It's almost as if the originality in us has been suppressed down into ourselves.  I just don't care anymore, he's not a great teacher and I just don't care.

Pokemon

I love this Pokemon.

Why the stalking?

What goes too far? A girl friend making a fake Facebook to check up on him on their? A boy stalking people he likes online? A desperate lonely person thinking about looking for porn that two people they know might have made? Becoming jealous of ones own singleness?

The point of no return where does it begin? Stalking goes too far once the communication with the other person has taken place. It is in that moment when information is obtained without the other person knowing. Searching a person's last name, finding their father's name, and taking the house number from a phone book. Is it wrong? Or are they simply taking the opportunity what the phone book is there for? I don't know but if it goes beyond the number and it escalates to watching them as they walk and who they hang out with, without even talking to them, then that possibly went too far. When you want to know something and the Internet is at your finger tips what do you do to contain the curiosity? Do you look up info about a celebrity who has never met you? Obsess over a franchise and look up info on it?

I don't know but it seems like everyone has something they obsess over. I have my moments when I become obsessed with someone or something and become the stalker that I know I am inside. A stalker knows when they see someone in the act and how to go unnoticed when they get into the act, until they start to become paranoid that they are being stalked themselves by an entity every time they get into it. They hold themselves back from trying to get more info but eventually they'll go back and it'll lead right back to another person who they just feel the need to know everything about in an attempt to please the person when that action in itself is perverse and defeats the entire purpose of the reason. Is it illogical? Yes it is but when you stalk the fact that you know what you are doing goes ignored to let the thrill carry on and the game keeps going making it oh so fun when you yourself have no life. You wish to be the people you stalk and you begin to fantasize about what you wish were reality and if the person doesn't know how to handle it they become sucked in and stalking becomes their life.

Or maybe they just obsess with having the perfect relationship that never existed and they don't want to admit that it's bad and that they were better off being single because they feel that being single is way too hard. Machismo wins them over and they feel they can change the asshole of a guy that they're with but the friend he was is not the same as the partner you want. 

Who am I?

Rant about Spirit Week

Calling it Battle of the Sexes does not sound like a day to dress in the stereotypes of the genders it sounds more like males are going to bash on females and females on males. It's mocking transgendered individuals just like everyday on spirit week this week. Would you like it if one day was called "Mexican Day" where you dress up like a Mexican, you know because all Mexicans dress a certain way. Just nice how stereotypes are perpetuated at schools. Spirit Week should embrace people not mock them. Like the spirit days could be: Something You Believe In Day, Dress Like You Work In An Office Day, Show Off American Imperialism Day, and Emotion Day. 

I don't know if this makes sense but that was what I thought of last night as I fell asleep when I couldn't help but think of how stupid "Battle of the Sexes" sounds, I asked other people and they don't know what that means. It's not a very clear answer when it comes to describing the day. When the other spirit days that accompany it are "Cowboy Day" and "Hawaiian Day" are beyond stupid because of the sterotypes associated with it and it seems they are mearly used to mock people to do dress in what the sterotypes of those days would be. This is just me ranting and all I know for sure is that I'm not going to participated.

SSA or Backwards Ass

I thought of scaring you,
Didn't work.
Making you fall,
Such a fail.
Then,
the idea came to me.

Your pants keep falling.

A jerk,
because of the thought.
Sorry,
The consequences were not sought.

I,
a chicken who won't dare.

Yet,
your pants were pulled down.

I laughed at you.
But then the look on your face.
It crushed my heart.

The guilt over took.
I became filled with the guilt.
I deserved all of it.

Don't know what to say.
I already said sorry.
It didn't feel final.

Now the poem ends.
I hope you never read this.
Could end us as friends.

When the teacher doesn't show up

Well first of all most of the students will not want to tell anyone that there's no teacher so trying to tell security or someone in admin will get you "blacklisted" as a tattle tell. So for the love of all that is holy turn up the music as loud as possible and have a battle with the other students to see who can be the loudest. You know let the classes around you know that they should check in to see what the hell is going on just to keep it private. I mean it's not like you want to keep it a secret, right? That's why you left the class and were the first one to turn on the corridos as loud as the computer could go just to keep it between you and the people in the class.

I swear seniors are fucking idiots, then again that class is where people are making up the classes they failed in the first place. So what do you expect? Students screaming and blasting the music. Fucking idiots. How many times do I have to repeat it to make myself feel better? I don't know but I do know that I was glad when the bell rang to leave.